(And Feel Good About It)
You've made the decision — you're eloping!
Honestly? I'm so proud of you already.
Choosing to do something that feels true to you is bold, beautiful, and honestly...exactly how it should be.
But now comes a part that can feel a little tricky:
Telling your friends and family.
If you're feeling a little nervous about it, you're not alone.
It’s a big moment. And it’s okay to want to share it thoughtfully.
Let’s talk about how you can let the people you love know about your elopement — in a way that feels good, honest, and true to you.
Get Clear On Why You're Eloping
Before you even start thinking about how to tell anyone, take a second to ground yourself.
Ask yourselves: Why are we choosing to elope?
Maybe it's because you want the day to be just about the two of you.
Maybe the idea of planning a traditional wedding feels overwhelming or not really "you."
Maybe you want adventure, intimacy, and a little magic without the pressure.
Whatever your reasons are — they are valid and they are enough.
Hold onto that. It'll help you stay confident when you have these conversations.
When to Tell Them: Before or After?
There’s no "one size fits all" answer here.
It depends on what feels right for your relationships and your day.
Here’s the basic breakdown:
Tell them before if you want them to feel included somehow (even from afar), or if you think they’d appreciate a heads-up.
Tell them after if you want to keep it just between the two of you without outside opinions influencing your day.
Both options are right — it’s just about what feels best to you.
Here's an example of what you could say:
"We wanted to talk to you about something important.
After a lot of thought, we decided to elope — just the two of us.
It wasn’t an easy decision, because we love you and you mean so much to us.
But we really wanted a day that felt simple, personal, and focused on our relationship.
We hope you understand, and we can't wait to celebrate with you soon."
If Someone Says:
- "But I can’t believe you’re doing this without us!"
You can say:
"I get that it’s surprising — it wasn’t an easy decision. We really wanted a day that felt 100% focused on just us. You’re incredibly important to us, and we can’t wait to celebrate together after."
- "You’re being selfish."
You can say:
"I understand why you might feel that way. This was a decision we made to start our marriage in a way that felt most meaningful to us. We hope you can respect that, even if it’s different from what you imagined."
- "I feel so hurt you didn’t include me."
You can say:
"We hear you, and your feelings matter to us.
It was never about not wanting you there — it was about creating a private experience to honor our relationship in the way we needed. We’re looking forward to celebrating with you soon."
If Someone Tries to Pressure Them to Change Plans:
- "You could still have a small wedding instead!"
You can say:
"We’ve made the decision that feels right for us.
We’re really excited about how we’re doing this, and we hope you’ll be excited with us too."
If Someone is Passive-Aggressive ("Wow, guess we’re not important enough.")
You can say:
"It’s not about anyone’s importance — it’s about how we wanted to experience our wedding day.
We love you, and we hope you can support us even if our path looks different."
If They Have Big Feelings... (Because They Might)
It’s completely normal if some friends or family members feel surprised, disappointed, or even a little left out at first.
Here’s what helps:
Acknowledge their feelings without backing away from your decision.
(Example: "I understand it might feel unexpected — we made the choice that felt most authentic for us, and we love you.")
Stay positive and excited. Show them you’re happy. Your happiness will eventually win them over.
Offer a way to celebrate together later, if you want.
(A casual dinner, a little backyard party, sharing your photos together.)
Most people just want to feel included in your life, even if they weren't there at the ceremony.
There are so many beautiful ways to make them feel loved after you’ve said "I do."
Easy Ways to Include Loved Ones (Without Changing Your Elopement)
If you want to bridge the gap and share the love, here are a few fun ideas:
Have friends and family write you letters to read on your wedding day.
Facetime a few people the morning of or after your ceremony.
Host a chill post-elopement party when you're back home — pizza, photos, and champagne totally count as a party.
Share a gorgeous slideshow, highlight video, or printed photo album.
Remember:
Including people later doesn’t take away from the magic of keeping the actual day just for you.
3 Things to Remember Before You Tell Your Family You're Eloping
(Save this before you make the call or send the text — you’ll thank yourself later!)
1. Know Your "Why" (And Stick To It)
Before you tell anyone, take a second to remind yourselves:
Why did you choose to elope?
Was it to have a private, intentional experience?
To avoid stress and drama?
To make it 100% about the two of you?
Whatever your reason is — it’s enough.
You don’t have to defend it, but knowing it will give you confidence if emotions run high.
- Quick Tip: Write your “why” down if you need to, and read it right before you have the conversation.
2. Lead With Love, Stay Firm
Start by reminding them how much they mean to you.
Lead with love — but don't leave the door open for debate.
You’re sharing your decision, not asking permission.
- Quick Tip: You can say,
"We’re so excited to tell you — we’ve decided to elope. It feels really right for us, and we can’t wait to celebrate with you after!"
3. Prepare For Emotions (Theirs, Not Yours)
It’s okay if people are surprised or emotional.
Their feelings aren’t your responsibility to fix.
You can stay calm, acknowledge them, and still hold your boundary.
Final Reminder:
You’re allowed to choose the experience you want for your marriage.
You’re allowed to set the tone for your life together.
You’re allowed to celebrate your love — your way.
And the people who love you most?
They’ll get it. Eventually. 💛
Last Thing: It’s Your Love Story — You Get to Tell It Your Way
This day — this marriage — is about you two.
How you start it matters. It should feel free, authentic, and full of love, not heavy with expectations.
The people who truly love you will get it.
They might need a little time, and that’s okay. But eventually, they'll see what you knew all along:
You made the choice that honored your relationship first.
And there is nothing more beautiful than that.
You've got this. 💛
(And I'm here cheering for you every step of the way.)
Here are some more great tips from Kelsey Converse that I loved!